Burying ourselves happens when we are burnt out, but what does it look and feel like?
Well….have you ever felt trapped?
As a kid I once saw this movie (or it might have been a soap opera, thanks mom ;-)) where they buried someone alive in a pine box. A feeling of horror that swept over me, as I contemplated what it would be like to die that way… lying there confined in a box, while shovelful after shovelful of dirt was piled onto you. You would literally feel the weight of the earth pressing down upon you, hoping and praying that a hero would come along to rescue you before you suffocate…
Pretty grim, huh?
Self-sabotage and burnout is kind of like that. At least it was for me.
What if the above scenario is a metaphor for your life? And what if the hero bound to rescue you is actually YOU? Except that there is a big part of YOU that hasn’t realized YOU actually NEED rescuing. And so, your “hero self” is quite oblivious to your predicament and is off somewhere taking a nap, while you suddenly begin to realize that you are, in fact, trapped and suffocating!
And then the realization hits… that YOU are also the one holding the shovel! You recognize that you are in fact burying yourself alive and that if something doesn’t happen… and soon… you’re in serious life or death trouble here… and that at this very moment YOU are your own biggest hope or your own biggest threat!
Burnout is kind of like that too. At least it was for me.
Many people ask me to describe what burnout feels like. I would say that in the beginning you don’t even notice it. This is because it kind of creeps up on you, like an insidious little fog over your head. It first appears when you find yourself feeling like your life has become like “Groundhog Day”, meaning your daily routine is starting to wear on you and feel a bit mindless, but you just shrug off any feelings of discontent with a glass of wine and a nice nap and keep moving forward, and maybe even take on a few new challenges and responsibilities, because hey… let’s face it… everybody needs you.
You say things to yourself like;
“If I can just make it to 5 o’clock.”
“If I can just make it to the week-end.”
“If I can just make it to my next vacation.”
For those of us working in education it was always, “If I can just survive until summer vacation.”
And then of course it eventually becomes, “If I can just make it another 10 YEARS to retirement!”
But it persists… this feeling of “dis-ease” and so you talk and joke about it with your friends, swap some “war stories” about work and home life, roll your eyes, have one too many glasses of wine (on a Monday), and find lots of new ways to numb down this sensation that is beginning to brew inside of you… this deep seeded rage at the injustices of the world…
And so, you carry on like the brave warrior you are, and you look for strategies to quell this increased weariness you are experiencing. Maybe you buy more stuff, take more vacations, drink more wine, watch more Netflix, (insert your own vice here), hoping to alleviate some of the weight you feel growing on your shoulders and the emotional turmoil jabbing you in your gut.
And because you are… indeed… a warrior, you begin to cloak yourself in psychological “armour” and pick up a “shield” so that you can keep marching forward, compelled to keep doing for others, at work and at home, taking on more responsibilities, driven by needs (that might not even be your own) in order to ensure that you are accepted and loved because “just look” at how everyone around you is safe, happy, healthy and thriving and “just look” at how successful you are in your career.
And thus, you are showing the world that you can be everything to everyone, do everything for everyone, and have the life that everyone has always told you will be your “JUST” reward.
But this “weight” is not lifting, in fact this “little fog” over your head has now draped itself over your shoulders like a lead cloak that you are dragging around with you everywhere you go. It’s there in the morning, holding you down in your bed, it’s there throughout your day, weighing you down with physical and mental exhaustion, it keeps your hand from picking up the phone to return calls, and makes you feel so tired that you have to go home early so that you can face-plant onto the couch and sleep for as long as possible.
You begin to find yourself becoming plagued by cynicism, shutting yourself off from clients, family and friends. You may even find yourself saying things like, “UGH! I am so sick of people.” (This is especially not good if you are in a helping profession). This, in turn, leads to feelings of ineffectiveness and guilt because you can’t seem to “pull yourself together” anymore. And then, everything starts to feel like an attack and you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, hypervigilant and anxious all the time.
You stop sleeping because you are ruminating about everything. Your brain is like a hamster on a wheel, racing madly forward and going nowhere. And then… you drag yourself out of bed in the morning to repeat this entire cycle.
And the wildest part of all of this is that you might not even be aware it is happening to you. You may just keep soldiering on, shoveling on more of that proverbial “dirt” that I mentioned earlier.
And this goes on until your body finally says… ENOUGH! And you are dropped to your knees with some type of physical illness which then forces you into a total shut-down.
In my case it was kidney stones that took me out of the game at numerous intervals. They persisted over a number of years, wearing me down physically until I could no longer go on and had to face some cold hard facts about the state of my overall well-being.
Sounds pretty hopeless, right?
I thought so too when I was in the depths of it but…
Here’s the thing, and brace yourself because you aren’t going to like what I am about to say…
We have control over all of this… we do.
I know what you’re thinking…
“I don’t…
It’s my job…
It’s my boss…
It’s my kids…
It’s my life partner…
It’s my mother…
It’s my father…
It’s the politicians…
The dog ate my homework…”
I know that you are thinking these things because I thought them too.
Now… I don’t want you to think that I do not recognize the tremendous impact environmental factors have on our well-being, because I do. And especially when working in emotionally demanding helping professions.
As a matter of fact, here are some workplace stressors that put you at a higher risk for burnout and they are no joke, especially for those of us in care-giving careers;
- Unclear job requirements – If you are in a position where it is not clear how to succeed, or the requirements are constantly changing then it makes it hard to feel confident, enjoy your work, or feel like you are doing a good job then this may contribute to burnout.
- Impossible requirements – If the responsibilities in your position exceed the amount of time given to complete the job well or properly and feel successful this may contribute to burnout. It becomes a “double whammy” if you are working with vulnerable sectors because you are seeing the needs that must be addressed for the client to benefit, but due to your massive caseload you don’t have the time or resources to meet these needs.
- High-stress times – If you are working in a job where there are “crunch-times” and you are working longer hours and more days with an immense workload and this is not balanced with recognition, incentives, rewards, and down time to recover, you may find yourself at risk of burnout.
- Big consequences for failure – This is HUGE… and another “double whammy” for those of you working in caregiving professions. This is because not only might you face consequences from your employer, but there could also be potential harm done to a client. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of being a human being. However, where the consequences may be severe by way of lawsuits and personal feelings of guilt/failure the work experience becomes that much more stressful.
- Lack of personal control – When we are given personal autonomy to creatively decide what needs to be done and to solve problems, it brings excitement and energy to the work. If you’re environment is restrictive and limits personal control through micro-management, this will increase the risk of burnout significantly.
- Lack of recognition – As human beings, we have an actual NEED to feel a sense of belonging and that we are valued. If this is not believed to be the case it will drain the energy out of the employee, and the productivity out of the organization. Consequently, morale will be low and burnout will be high.
- Poor communication – THIS IS HUGE, and is the cornerstone of my work with clients. Communication is the problem and communication is the answer in almost every situation where an issue or conflict arises. Communication ties in directly to pretty much every point on this list! If an employee has a problem and they can’t discuss it properly with someone who is in a position to help, this will dramatically increase their risk of burnout.
- Insufficient compensation – Occupations in caregiving professions are just plain stressful to begin with and so a high degree of stress is to be expected when going into these types of professions, however if this increased risk factor is not reflected in the employee’s paycheck, they may start thinking, “They don’t pay me enough to deal with this &*$%!” and the burnout risk goes up.
- Poor leadership – This is another factor that ties into all of the above points (including communication). Ultimately the leadership in an organization goes a long way to either preventing or contributing to burnout. When employees feel valued, feel like they belong, feel recognized when things go well, feel supported when facing challenges, and feel safe, then this will greatly reduce the risk of burnout and increase productivity. But, if employees feel unappreciated, undervalued, micromanaged, insecure in their position, or unsure of the requirements of their job, then they will feel unsafe, and the risk of burnout increases dramatically. Leadership in an organization will directly influence all of the factors on this list and will determine the risk of burnout for employees.
Once again… I know what you are thinking after reading that list… that you’re off the hook because clearly your organization is “the problem”!
Or if you are a leader in an organization, you may feel a loss of control and overwhelmed over any number of areas on the list.
Either way you may be thinking you might as well go pour yourself a bucket of wine, grab a straw, and cue up another Netflix series because taking control of any of these things would feel like an insurmountable task…
Well… I hate to tell you this but… in fact… no holds barred time here… the truth is…
All roads we have explored here eventually lead back to you and that shovel you’re holding.
And HONESTLY…. This is GREAT NEWS!
Don’t believe me… READ ON fellow warrior, READ ON…
The saga continues in Blog #2 – Burnout: When Parts of You Go Missing
Until next time, I wish you love, strength and vitality!
Shelley
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